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 I was peacefully enjoying my beauty sleep as I was suddenly awakened by the vibrating movement under the pillow. It was my phone indicating that I had just received a new message on my facebook. I truly believe that mobile facebook is one of the best modern inventions, but that night I wasn’t too fond of it. The time was 12:09 am as I stared at my phone with one eye, but managed to notice quickly that the lovely note was from my new boyfriend of two months. It’s only logical to assume that I was happy to hear from him, but then it would have been a lie.
For several days my life has been a constant hell because K and I have been e-mail fighting about some of the most ridiculous things that people can fight about at such an early stage of a relationship. I had no choice but to open my laptop and read the entire e-mail, because there was no way I could go back to sleep knowing that I would have to deal with this bullshit at 6 o’clock in the morning.
“Last week I did mention to you that it would be nice if you helped me out a bit in the kitchen. And this weekend was no better” - he wrote, trying to prove his point.
“I know it’s apparently not important for you, but to me - it is. To me it’s about helping out. I am not saying at all that I want to put you to work when you are at my place, but it would be nice if you did help me out in the kitchen, or even help set the table, really anything.”
I was outraged by these statements because I, in fact, did put some effort the previous weekend I was over at his place and actually scraped the food off and dried all of the dishes, put glasses and plates in cupboards, and washed the counters. On top of that I also offered to wash all of the dishes myself and even made his bed on Saturday evening after having sex all day. How much possibly more can a man want and expect after two months of being together? I was pissed.
And there I was, writing another bitchy e-mail at 1 o’clock at night talking about cupboards and dishes trying to defend myself and let him see my side of the story. I am not saying that I am right, but in my opinion there is no way a man should expect you helping him out around his house this early on.
K’s argument was that it shows respect and care when a girlfriend contributes to making dinner or helps out with cleaning after. Yes, I agree, but there is no way this should be expected of anyone at the beginning of a new relationship. My issue is not with cleaning or cooking, but with him pressuring me to do certain things that I may not feel comfortable yet doing, and I am also still in the process of exploring his kitchen. I believe that when a new relationship starts to develop things should unfold and happen naturally. However after being placed under such stress, the last thing I wanted to do was to contribute and put any effort.
So my point here is that no one should ever be pushed to do something that they don’t want to do because it only creates distance and tension. The phrase “everything you chase runs away” is very true. Relationships require a lot of patience, understanding and tolerance. Putting pressure on someone just creates conflict, and this is exactly what has been happening between my boyfriend and I.
“I get the point that it's important to you that the other person helps out, and I tried, but you didn't notice. Right now, the least thing that I want to do next time I come over to your house is to help, and it won't happen naturally any time soon that is for sure. Because when you push someone, they will only resist and will do the opposite thing,” - I typed my last e-mail paragraph and clicked send with an evil smile on my face. I was just hoping that the e-mail notification on his blackberry wakes him up same way he woke me up with his facebook message! ;-)
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