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 I recently met a guy that I thought was wonderful and he was for a while. He was nice, sweet, caring, understanding, easy to talk to but divorced. I’ve never had an aversion to a divorced man (even though I just made it sound like a disease) but at the same time, I must say that until now, I never really gave it any real thought because funnily enough I didn’t really know any. This to me is amazing considering 50% of marriages end. After my ex, I’ve grown to be more accepting of others and more understanding and I’ve always believed that the wrong person for someone is the right person for somebody else. I mean when it comes down to it, most of us in our late 20s have had serious long term relationships and at some point thought it would lead us to the altar.
However we were a little smarter than our counterparts and realized failure when we saw it thus avoided having to sign papers and dividing our assets. But to the less fortunate ones…it happened and it is what it is.
The point is ladies…NEVER take the promises seriously and NEVER ignore the warnings. I think part of our nature is to try to change men; we regard them as pet projects because we like to feel needed. For example, we want to change the “bad boy” into husband material; the awkward geek into a socially acceptable cute guy, the bad dresser into a fashion model and of course the emotionally unavailable man into a caring boyfriend. In regards to the last point…I think you have a better chance achieving world peace or winning the Nobel Prize.
Now, there are different types of emotionally unavailable men but for the sake of this particular discussion, let’s focus on the recently single.
He has spent years of his life married and a lot of it probably unhappy (hence the divorce)…there were fights, arguments, possibly flying objects, slaps to the face, etc. He probably looks at any girl that comes into his life as a potential for getting slapped in the face…because to him, every female has potential to become his ex-wife. He didn’t know it would end this way with the woman he loved or that she would somehow develop the arm of a baseball pitcher or the fist of Mike Tyson…unless of course he’s into that but that’s a different story altogether.
Also, he’s been sexually intimate with 1 person…now imagine that his wife sucked in bed or that she only liked it missionary style or she gained weight or anything else… Now that he’s free of his possible-fat-bad-in-bed-missionary-style-lover wife, he has a broad range of females available to him awaiting to be explored (so he thinks…don’t forget every guy thinks that every girl wants them…and yes, even the ugly ones). So why would he want to limit himself to one??? Even if that girl was amazing and on every other man’s wish list…he would still feel the need to spread his wings.
Basically if the man you are dating, seeing, chilling with or sleeping with is recently divorced, STAY AWAY! Especially if you feel yourself getting attached or catching feelings. You may feel and he may want to feel but he can’t feel. It’s not even his fault, he’s internally numb, he’s been emotionally drained by his past relationship that he has nothing to give you not even an apology when he hurts you. And you can’t even be mad about it because he won’t understand or he may understand but he can’t sympathize…all you can do is either put up with it or walk away.
At the same time, walking away is not as easy. The D man has a certain innocence and child like quality to him that melts your heart and makes it impossible for you to stay angry with him. You can almost see the hurt in his eyes from his past and because that’s the look that you never want to see from someone you care about, you will keep giving in even if you know better and even if it compromises your own feelings. Despite the fact that he hurts you, you don’t want him to feel the pain that he’s felt in his previous life. You know that no good can come of it and you want to run away but you can’t…. something keeps you there…you’re not sure what but there’s an unnatural force that does. Your “I-take-no-shit-from-any-man” attitude won’t work.
So ladies, my advice to you is RUN if it’s still early on and if you haven’t been in this situation yet then thank your lucky stars and stay away!
Having said all of this, if you are in a similar situation then I can’t offer you a solution as I haven’t found one either yet. All I can say is that he is a pain my ass and frustrates the shit out of me but he has my heart and doesn’t even know it.
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