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Tuesday, 04 September 2007 00:30 |
Seriously, my cat is taking advantage of me. I had to pay a special
visit to Petco earlier today for more cat food. Petco's honest slogan
should be "It's where your money goes."
I'm more than a little ticked
off that my cat expects me to provide her with cat food that costs
$10.49 (before taxes) per 3.5 lb bag. She turns her nose to any cheap
stuff I've ever brought home and she sees right through my lies. "Oh
the store was out of your regular brand, but the clerk there told me
that Brand X is actually the SAME food as your regular brand." Yes, I
lied to my cat, and she saw right through the BS. That coupled with the
vet's recommendation that the expensive stuff is better for the cat has
convinced my wife that we (I) should only buy the special food. I tried
to convince both my wife and my cat that the cat doesn't have very
refined taste buds. I mean, she eats flies. She licks her ass in lieu
of toilet paper. That and she contributes nothing financially to the
house (the cat, not my wife). And, she's a friggin' cat; she shouldn't
get a household vote.
The cat's now reading over my shoulder... one second please. I think she suspects something.
Okay, so the cat also doesn't seem to care about anything I'm
doing. I'll be reading the paper, and she'll plop her cat's ass dead
center of the page and look at me as if I've gotten in her way. Or
maybe I'm stealing a few moments of silence in the bathroom when all of
a sudden there's a furry arm being jammed under the door. Are you
kidding me? Give me a minute. You don't even shit in here anyway. Next
time you do that I'm going to duct tape your little arm to the
linoleum. Maybe you'd let me crap in peace then.
Damnit, she's back. Shhh. She just had to remind me that she's shedding and that I should brush her.
Okay where was I... flies, ass licking, duct taping, brushing,
bathroom door banging... Oh yeah, so this cat eats better than I do.
I'm too lazy to do the math, but I'd guess that the food I just put in
her dish cost more than my lunch today. My lunch didn't even come with
gravy, but it was chicken flavored. Discussing my eating habits are for
another time though.
Oh jeez... she's staring at me now. Not really at me, but past me
at the window behind me. I just know she wants me to think there's
something or someone outside the window, but I'm not going to play that
game. I will win this grudge match. I'm going to stare back at her 'til
she blinks. Apparently that's supposed to be a sign of my dominance.
She doesn't play fairly though, because her eyes just got wide and she
did a little crouch thing. Maybe there IS someone outside the window
behind me. NO, don't think that. She's bluffing. Blink, you damn cat.
Ha, she looked away. I win, I win, I win. Play it cool, no need to
gloat.
Okay, now that I think about it, I believe my cat is a bully as
well. She just fucks with me every chance she gets. This cat must get
off knowing that I'm her personal servant and she can throw up on the
carpeting or piss over the side of her litter box and I'll have to
clean it up. Perhaps it's retribution for cutting her claws off or
having her ovaries removed. Whatever it is, I'm no longer a cat owner.
I'm the one who's owned.
People used to believe that cats caused insanity. I think they may have been on to something.
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