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The million dollar question which has loomed in the minds of many women over time has been ‘why do men cheat?’ Do they have something ingrained within their biological make up that makes them unfaithful? Is it a pattern that follows them from generation to generation? Or is it simply because they are selfish pigs and are never satisfied? Well, I don’t think that there is just one answer to that question.
Having known many men who hav to some degree been unfaithful to their wives/girlfriends and of course after having asked them, I’ve been told that part of their reason for doing so is that they don’t think that there will be any consequences to their actions if they are caught (which hardly ever happens). In their minds and even in reality, their partners will never find out so why not? Why resist temptation when you can just give in. So for them, the lack of fear is a driver for their actions. But in all honesty…I don’t think so nor would I buy that explanation. That’s too easy of an answer. I think that the problem is deeper rooted than that.
One plausible theory is what I like to call the instinct’ theory…or shall I say the animal instinct theory. After all, what are human beings if not more sophisticated animals. Most don’t like to think so because being compared to an animal is not exactly flattering but when it comes down to it, don’t we have the same natural urges and needs as they do? It’s been said that the fundamental difference between us and them is our ability to reason and distinguish right from wrong. But then again if cheating is an instinct and consequently within our biological make up, is it really wrong? But if that was the case, wouldn’t everyone cheat?
Animals don’t exert any control over their needs and their main focus (the males) is to plant as many seeds as they can into females. Their concern is survival, spreading their seeds for reproduction and be known as the alpha male.
The alpha male impregnates as many females as he can. There is no sense of monogamy and sticking to one female or even taking care of their offspring and ‘baby mama’ (for lack of a better term). So perhaps, the man’s brain and development is not that far away from that of animals? Hmmm…something to think about! But that theory, however logical would only give an easy way out… I mean, how can you condemn someone for an action if they are pre-disposed to it? It would be like condemning an epileptic for having a seizure. But at the same, that can’t be possible either, because of the use of birth control…they’re not trying to plant seeds, they’re trying to get some!
With that in mind, I think that the 1st point deserves further discussion…men just don’t see any consequences to their actions. There is no fear factor for them. Not only do they believe that the chances of getting caught are slim to none but they also believe that if found out, they will be forgiven. More often than not, they are.
Ladies…I blame you for this one!
Men in general are less likely to forgive an affair from their girlfriend/wife than women are. Women are often controlled by their emotions and consequently, if they are told what they want to hear, they’ll accept it. When they love someone, they practically give their lives to that person. The downside here is that they will believe whatever the other person says and keep their hesitation in the back of their head because of they fear being alone. Also, the emotional part wants to believe whatever excuse their partner gives them because it’s easier than to face reality.
“Oh baby, you know I love you! I would never do anything like that to you” and meanwhile you saw him with another woman. “Honey, it will never happen again, I promise! She didn’t mean anything to me! She was just a whore! (Why would that make it better…if anything, it should make it worse especially in the age of STDs?) You know you’re the only one for me, I love you so much! Blah Blah Blah!”
And they say it with such conviction and sensitivity that you have no choice but to believe them…but guess what? You do. If they have done it once and you’ve forgiven them…chances are, they’ll do it again. What little fear factor they had to begin with, is now nonexistent.
Now what I think the real problem is. I think that it’s easy to blame the men and say that they are pigs (which let’s face it, more often than not, they are) but I don’t think that infidelity is the fault of the guy alone…ladies, you’re partly to blame. Rather than it being a solely one person’s fault, I think that it’s a couple’s issue. I by no means condone this behavior but at the same time I can understand it.
Think about it, we all know guys have the attention span of a squirrel, we all know that they are often self-centered and wants things that have the least complications and not to mention, they are indecisive. We know that when it comes to relationships, they don’t want the drama, they don’t want to be bitched at constantly over little things and they just want some sex. So girls, my question to you is this: why do you do the opposite?? Why?? We all know what they want…so why must you make things more complicated than they should be? Think about it…is it really that big of a deal, if they don’t put the toilet seat down? I mean really….you have hands, you can do it. Or is a huge issue if they just want to sleep after sex? Take it as a compliment that you wore him out…some people aren’t into cuddling and that’s fine, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, it just means that he wants to rest and is probably warm from the exercise and needs his space.
Or why do you feel the need to talk all the time and ask what he’s thinking about?? Can’t someone just sit in silence and not think (that goes both sexes).
Your constant need to nag and complain makes him feel like he can’t do anything right and in turn he feels not appreciated. He then finds a girl (sometimes unintentionally) who doesn’t do the things you do and makes him feel special and best of all, he isn’t constantly bothered….he starts to talk to her, confide in her and then gets intimate with her. He may very well love you and I know what you’ll say…”if he loves me then he wouldn’t cheat on me”; and you’re right but sometimes, it’s just not black and white. There are many shades of grey in between. Sometimes, even if you do love someone, it may not be enough.
This type of cheating is the most dangerous as it’s not about the physical but rather; there is some type of emotional connection that may lead to a relationship and you’ll be left behind. Don’t feel too bad though, that relationship won’t last either, there will be so many trust issues between them because of how they met and began seeing each other that your man will either end up alone, repeating the pattern or stay in a relationship that lacks trust. Either way, he won’t be that happy.
Is it Love or Sex?
Now the sex issue…or as many women would call it, “making loooove”. A man wants sex, probably more sex than what you want and chances are, he probably wants it done differently than what you’re offering. Here’s the trick…give in!! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving in. So what if he wants to fuck and not make love? Does that really matter? So what if he doesn’t look into your eyes, play with your hair during?? You’re still getting yours!
The problem is often that love and sex are related, now you’re going to say “well shouldn’t they be? Isn’t that the point”… and of course ideally, in a perfect world, you’re right and they should be BUT you need to also be able to distinguish the two. Sex is a physical need; love is emotional (manifested by physical contact but not necessarily sex). Think about it, you make a booty call, he/she comes over, you have sex, it’s done and he/she leaves. That person does not stay to cuddle; they don’t watch TV and hold you…they do their thing and gets the hell out.
The physical manifestation of love is cuddling, holding hands, holding your face when he kisses you, etc… Sex is just sex.
I digress, back to point, not because he likes to fuck and not make love, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you or respect you. Now if you’re constantly bitching about the way he does his thing, he’s going to get frustrated. Maybe for you, making love missionary style is satisfying and you’re content to do so but he may just want t0 bend you over and fuck you doggystyle without foreplay…that’s ok, let him, actually you should even initiate it. The key is don’t let him want.
For example, surprise him and give him a blowjob while he’s watching football and drinking beer. That’s 3 things that he likes the most in the world. He’ll remember that and furthermore, it’ll make him want you and have eyes for only you. Here’s the secret, why go out looking for something when you have it at home? Again, make your man not want.
This does not mean that you have to compromise yourself or what you’re comfortable with but don’t think too much into things especially when it comes to sex. Know that your man loves you and respects you which is why he’s with you to begin with. Stop worrying about what he may think if you do certain things in bed…sex is not only for reproduction, you’re actually supposed to enjoy it.
The main point that I’m trying to make is that your relationship should be satisfying for both involved and as stress free as possible. Think about it, you have stress enough from your day to day life, your relationship should be an escape from that and not a contributing factor. He should make you happy and vise versa…don’t sweat the little things and ensure that your relationship is not lacking anything. We women have the ability to cope even if certain things are missing, men on the other hand, is a different story…
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