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Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00 |
This is a long rant, so bear with me or hit your back button. I'm
frustrated and in no mood for your shit either, so if you don't want to
read it, well...
 So I'm dating a nice guy now and it SUCKS. No other way to explain
it, it just SUCKS. He's no challenge. He agrees with everything I say.
He's got it all though - a decent job, a nice house, no kids, no psycho
ex-wives, and he's tall and cute. Anyone ever seen that Friends episode
when Alec Baldwin played Phoebe's boyfriend?? YEAH, my boyfriend is
THAT nice. He's just too fucking nice. Nice is boring. I've never heard
him raise his voice. He's never aggressive. He has no edge.
He won't even drive over the speed limit and that fucking annoys the
shit out of me, yet I sit in the passenger seat and keep my mouth
shut... watching everyone whiz by us.
And don't get me started on the sex. Oh, excuse me... making love.
After he cums (note I didn't mention anything about ME cumming), he
rolls over and says "Oh, that was nice" with a little sigh. I KID YOU
NOT, he says it EVERY TIME and then he sighs like he has just woken
from a refreshing nap. I finally got so tired of missionary and him
looking lovingly into my eyes and smiling as he came, that I threw him
down on the couch one night and mounted him. At first he was terrified
- yes, TERRIFIED. He thought something had possessed me. And it HAD --
it was sheer MADNESS. I fucked the shit out of him that night. And then
he sighed and said "Oh, that was nice".
Now that we had the cowgirl position conquered (always with that sigh
afterwards), it was time to move on to doggie. His ex-girlfriend never
did doggie (hmmm... maybe there's a "nice" ex-girlfriend to blame for
his timid niceness?? That bitch...). Anyway, I digress. I tell him I
want him to fuck me from behind. Yes, I used the word "fuck" and I
didn't care what he thought about it. He gets behind me and enters me,
and damned if he didn't say "OH, THIS IS NICE" !!! Are there any 35 y/o
men out there that haven't smacked a woman's ass when doing her
doggie?? YES, and he's my boyfriend!
Tonight during sex, I think I'm gonna tell him to stick his finger in my ass when I'm riding him. THAT should be interesting.
So for the nice guys out there, my advice is this: It's great that
you're nice (to an extent), but have some backbone. Don't be a spine
donor all your life. When your girl is out of line, say something.
Don't let her walk all over you. Occasionally, be a "bad" boy (being
bad doesn't translate to abusive or criminal). Say "No" to her
sometimes. Raise your voice and be heard. Say something dirty/sexy to
her occasionally. Drink a few too many beers and piss out in public.
Smack her ass. Don't ever use the word NICE to describe things, especially
sex (okay, that may be a personal pet peeve). Have an interest in at
LEAST one sport (or pretend to). Drive 5-10 miles over the speed limit
once in awhile. Run an old lady off the road just for kicks (yeah, I'm
kidding about this one... just ride her bumper for a few miles). Be
aggressive during sex. Take off those damn white socks and Jesus
sandals. Grow a goatee for a few weeks. Shave your balls. Stray from
your routine and shake things up.
BE A MAN FOR GOD'S SAKE... and the women will fall at your feet.
Whew... THAT FELT NICE.
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